Waiting to get cancer cut out of your leg is pretty nerve-wracking.
I wish they could have called me in the morning, scheduled my procedure for the afternoon and whipped out a CSI-Miami-quick pathology result saying the melanoma is gone.
Some moments I feel like I’m in denial. This paper says I shouldn’t be…
Other moments I start plotting how life will go on without me. I think about my husband & how on earth he’d balance his workload and single-fatherhood.
The doctor told me the survival rate is 99%, so I also start thinking about them needing to cut out more & more – so much that they’ll have to amputate my leg.
I think about how much I want to have more kids. How Little Dude deserves to have his mom healthy to take care of him.
Then I snap back to reality and the words of my doctor and her medical assistant saying “I know there’s a lot of scary words floating your way, but we’ll take care of you.”
Ultimately, I am in good hands – both medically and God’s hands. They caught this early. I’ll be ok.
Today’s mood: I pretty much covered this in today’s post. Denial. Hyper-sensitive. I should just ban myself from the TV & movies. Life is so fragile & I just don’t know what God is promising for my future. He can heal me in an instant if He wants to… He can also allow for this to happen again. I am still standing firm in the fact God will use me as a tool to show His glory.
Today’s coping: Last night I searched YouVersion.com for Bible verses on healing and trust. I will continue to research & study this theme. I also searched melanoma on Pinterest & Cafepress.com. I actually started a Skin Cancer board on my Pinterest. I knocked out a few items off my to-do list today. Such as: refill our propane tank (for my husband’s grilling) & go to the chiropractor. I picked out a couple summery dresses from Ross, so I don’t have capris or other clothes rubbing up against my wound. I admit: shop-therapy feels good. 🙂 I love spending time with our son, even if it is just running errands. I also took him to see my friend Lori for a hair-cut. He’s still rocking the hawk – but it is much more cleaned up. Among all this coping, blogging my experience & feelings definitely feels good. I’m guessing some days I won’t want to say much, but not today. Oh ya – something that is bittersweet is telling my friends that I’m scheduled for surgery to remove melanoma THEN hearing that they are going to schedule their full-skin-check with their dermatologist. That makes me VERY happy that they are going to be proactive. It is sad to see their faces, though – I know people are sad & scared for me. With that being said, I really appreciate everyone’s prayers & support.
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