I have taken quite a long break from blogging regularly and feel like it’s time to come back. While I don’t need affirmation from strangers or people that aren’t in my everyday “real” life, I do need a to find my voice. I feel like I have a story to share that could be encouraging to others. With that being said, if you don’t like what I write, move along. I’m not interested in arguments and drama in the comments section. There are PLENTY of other blogs out there – I’m sure you’ll enjoy at least one.
After a lot of reflection, I feel the single greatest thing that is holding me back is that I want to get personal but not share much about my husband or sons. I love them and want to protect & respect their privacy. When our boys are older, they will need to decide just how much of their life they share “out there” in cyberspace – a decision I do not take lightly. There’s a lot of cool people out there but there are also reasons to remain private about, well, private matters.
So to start, I will jump right in and share what’s going on in my life in a similar way I do on Instagram.
Little Brother is now 8 months old. I feel horrible for not formerly introducing him before this post. And not focusing on what an amazing, smart & strong little boy he is and how much his big brother LOVES him and they are built-in best buddies for life… I’m going to share about something that’s not glamorous or fun. While most parents don’t openly talk about it, or admit it, I feel that EVERY baby or kid has something they have to face alongside their parents: a birth defect, a learning disability or challenge, a strong-willed temperament, or even a cocky attitude developed from never having any “noticeable” problems early in life.
I would be remiss to share that I find it annoying to hide 99% of these issues. Yes, some should remain private matters but think how much more encouraged we would feel if we were just HONEST with each other. Life is not perfect. People are not perfect. A beautiful, new, healthy baby is not perfect. Adorable? Yes. Melts your heart? Absolutely! Yet, outside of Jesus Christ, no one is perfect. If we were perfect, then why would we be in need of a savior?
When I hear “look at his perfect little toes” or “she’s just perfect!” I cringe. Not because I am imperfect. Not because I wish I were perfect. Not because I’m jealous, but because I think earthly perfection is a horrible thing to strive for. Perfection is God’s job, not ours. I also get annoyed at the obsessive attention outer perfection gets via media and mainstream society in comparison to SO FEW people giving a rip about the posture of our hearts.
God’s love is perfect. Our loves for our kids is just a small sliver of the magnitude of love He feels for us. I learned a whole new kind of love when I became a mom – one so complex yet simple, instant and mirroring God’s perfect love for us… there is an example of how I feel “perfect” can be used appropriately.
Around 2 months old, I noticed Little Brother’s eyes were not tracking straight. I know that a lot of babies are born cross-eyed but that it eventually goes away, but I still asked his Dr. about his eyes. Our pediatrician said we would watch it and that it should clear up by his 4-month check.
At his four-month check his pediatrician was “worried” (not a fun phrase to hear from your baby’s doc) about his eyes not tracking as they should be and he referred us to the pediatric ophthalmologist. At this point, you’d expect my heart to plummet to the floor, but I nearly expected it. Deep down, I think I was prepared for something to be wrong. While my expectations are that it won’t be easy, I also felt God had a plan. (I may not like His plan, but that’s another topic)
We got in to the specialist within a few days and to summarize a longer explanation: Little Brother needed glasses for farsightedness and patch therapy so he won’t have a dominant eye. The eyepatch is worn on the stronger eye to help the weaker eye can get a better workout. His doctor told us to patch his left eye for hours a day. He also warned that there was a chance of surgery if the patch therapy didn’t work. We would know more in 3 months time….
Immediately, I was so joyful that he could see. The eyewear guy was absolutely floored because he had never seen a baby or kid not fuss when first getting glasses.
I really feel Little Brother was just happy to see. You could see he was just pleased as punch with himself.
What really got me wasn’t that my baby needed glasses and patch therapy – it’s that his first 5 months of life, when he looked at me, he didn’t see me clearly. Granted, when babies are born, their vision is limited, but healthy eyes progress out of that limited vision. Babies can see their momma’s face and soon recognize it. But not our sweet baby. His hearing, taste, smell and touch had to compensate for the blur.
Thankfully, with his cute little Miraflex glasses, he was able to discover the world clearly for the first time at 5 months old. Here he is, pleased as punch with the new outcome just moments after putting glasses on for the first time.
5 months old in Miraflex glasses
It’s a bittersweet moment to witness as a mom.
I love my boys, and no measure of perfection or imperfection changes that. It’s humbling and mind-boggling to think about how on a much grander scale God feels this way about me.
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