The Freckle 4.0 – melanoma (again)

I can’t say I “NEVER” thought I’d say this again, but I certainly didn’t wish it upon myself.  After 2.5 years of staying diligent and keeping up with my skin checks, I have melanoma again. 🙁

I’ve had biopsies since then. This will be my fourth. Happily, they were benign.

My feelings about melanoma this time are different. I am not sure how I feel. Right now it’s just NUMB.  I had a “good” skin check just 6 weeks before I noticed a suspicious freckle… one I’m calling The Freckle 4.0.

I noticed it when I got out of the shower one day and thought “WOAH that’s darker than it was before.” It seriously happened that quickly.

In the summer of 2012, I had The Freckle removed due to stage 1 melanoma. It was a life-changing experience. You can read all about it here in my “melanoma” category.

I’m not sure how this one will change my life. I hope and pray that it brings people around me to their knees in surrender to Jesus.

As cliché as it sounds, there’s really no other choice than surrendering control and yielding to His plan.

I am SO steaming mad at the enemy. With everything that is going on in our lives right now, I strongly feel God would never allow this unless He was going to use it to bring people to Him.

That’s it. Otherwise it’s all in vain.

Similarly to last time, waiting for biopsy results is emotionally excruciating.  I had my biopsy on Monday, November 24th and got the results back today, Friday, December 5th. In the 11 days in-between, I’ve been keeping VERY busy with taking care of my family. I’m definitely more distracted with their needs in comparison to 2.5 years ago.

However, every time my phone flashed, buzzed, or chimed, I had a nervous adrenaline rush. Waiting is hard. Staying positive is hard. Trusting God is hard. At least it is for me.

Unlike 2012, I haven’t “just finished” reading the Bible cover-to-cover.  I’ve had less devotional time and Bible study time in the last year or so. While my journey with Jesus still continues, I wish I had God’s Word more at the forefront of my mind. I wish I had more scripture memorized to focus on the Truth.

This isn’t the only hardship I’m going through right now.  Life is heavy and hard right now.

I found Praying Through Cancer (kindle) after The Freckle 1.0, so I’m happy to have it handy this time.

How’d I finally hear the news?

I took Little Dude to school and Little Brother and I went to Hobby Lobby for some blanket fabric. Then I saw there was time to go to the rec center and exercise. I love exercise. The endorphins help me behave and cope with stress.  As I walked the track, I was listening to Appointments with Heaven (audio book) and my phone finally rang… I knew it was my dermatologist.  She, just as she did 2.5 years ago, gently explained the biopsy results: melanoma. The official pathology report will come in my patient portal, so I don’t have all the details yet. And while she explained everything to me, it was a little bit of a hazy conversation (like last time). I tried to hold in my emotions so she could finish the diagnosis and offer the info I needed.

I called my husband right away and cried. Hot, burning tears while I sat in the corner of the track at the rec center.  He asked “where are you?” and said “get the soonest possible removal appointment.” I honestly can’t remember what else he said.

The good news is:

  • sounds like we caught it early
  • she can remove it Thursday
  • I can still breastfeed Little Brother
  • I have lots of loving friends and close family who are offering praying, support and help during the recovery phase

 

The scary news is:

  • It’s only been 2.5 years since I had melanoma. With my history of melanoma and the fact that I’m “young” (love that being 32 is considered young!), she suggested seeing an oncologist. She said they may recommend I see them only, see both them and the dermatologist, or say it’s “ok” to stay closely monitored by my dermatologist alone.  As soon as she said it, I opted for it. Why would anyone not want to?!

 

At this point, I know my incision site will be tightly sewn up with two or more layers of stitches and restrict my movement. I suppose this is one of my bigger concerns with managing, LD’s school routine, LB’s vision therapy, physical therapy and all the activities we do at home.  I’m not sure how it will affect my ability to drive.

Melanoma is serious. I’m not taking it lightly. I very much covet your support and what my friend calls “storming Heaven” with prayers.

I don’t believe in “luck” or superstition – I believe in God and the fact that Jesus died so we won’t have eternal suffering via permanent separation from God. Good luck/bad luck doesn’t exist. Spiritual warfare does.  Satan uses fear it all forms to try to screw up our perspective towards God. I would love nothing more than to tick him off and prove he shouldn’t even bother with me… {{just leave me alone, you punk!}}

I fully want to live and teach my boys to love the Lord, to each find a wife who loves Jesus, have their own kids and grow old watching them. I want to be my husband’s helper.  I want to grow old together and see victory through all our trials and battles.

Lord, please let me have and enjoy this life and point others to your truth. And I hope to gain more clarity and understanding of his truth for myself, too…

 

the freckle 4

Can you guess where it is? It’s my left buttock!

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